it’s pretty weird.  i haven’t been debt-free in years but i don’t feel like the weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  i guess it just hasn’t hit me yet.  now, all of my credit cards are clear, each and every one of them with a zero balance.  all i have left is my school debt.

i owe a special thanks to jake.  we were supposed to pay off his credit cards and then mine were gonna get paid with whatever we had left.  it was very nice of him to help me out and clear my name since his cards have been top priority since we’ve gotten married.  (just so you guys were wondering, my debt wasn’t insanely big that it was a burden on us.)

anyway, jake, i really appreciate you putting me first and i just want you to know i love you so so much. mwah.

aside from that, with the rest of our tax return money, we paid off a good chunk of jake’s credit cards, and also started saving.  now that we’re saving a few hundred from paying my debt, we’re gonna start putting it towards an emergency savings, and a savings to buy our first home.  we don’t want to be stuck in an apartment forever.

cant wait!!

so.. i just found out that someone is having a baby!! i am so excited for her!  we have been talking about this for some time. being newlyweds, people are always asking “so when are you going to have a baby?”  as much as i keep saying “no” there’s always that part of me that wants one cuz it’d be cute to dress them and such.  the crying and the changing of the diapers…..not so much.  for years i have been thinking of names i would want my child to have.  i have a list that gets revised every few months if i think of another name that i like.  i have some baby websites bookmarked for when that time comes and i want cute items for my baby and even quite  a few baby books.  for goodness sake, i even have baby magazines coming monthly in the mail!  lol….DISCLAIMER: i’m actually not that crazy… i got bored one day and wanted free magazine subscriptions and the baby magazine was being offered free so what the heck, it might be useful someday.  =P

anyway…as much as i have this baby fever, on the other hand, i am TERRIFIED!  the image of a woman giving birth is horrifying! i hope that when i do become pregnant i will be able to have a cesection.  i would much rather have a scar than a torn — *ahem* — you know what.  another issue for me is that i am not ready to have a baby.  i want to cherish my first couple of married years with jake and travel the world without having to worry about a babysitter.  i want to explore the world, have new experiences and adventures without worrying.  having the two dogs alone is pretty tough for us.  we cant stay out too long without worrying if the dogs have peed/pooped in their beds, or making sure we’re home in time to feed them and walk them.  we’re just not ready.

at the same time, i’m torn.  i want my baby to be able to grow up with the babies in our family. little lana is already about to turn one years old in a few months.  this mystery woman who just found out she’s pregnant will be giving birth around september of this year.  i love how i have a close relationship with my cousins.  i want my child to have that with her cousins as well.  *sigh*… what to do, what to do…..

the right time will come.  God will bless us a child when he knows it’s right for jake & i.  i’m hoping we have a few years ahead of us to enjoy each others’ company but at the same time i want to start a little family.  hhaaha.  who knows… the time will come.